


Listen Before I Go

by ahale



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: First Kiss, Flashbacks, Lots of Crying, M/M, Richie Kinda Runs Away, Richie Tozier is Sad, Richie leaves Derry, Sad Richie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 06:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20670644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahale/pseuds/ahale
Summary: Four years after IT, Richie distances himself from the Losers Club and decides to leave Derry. Before he goes, he goes to talk to each one of his friends.





	Listen Before I Go

It's been four years since _that_ summer. Everyone seems to be doing better. Everyone but the one and only, Richie 'trashmouth' Tozier. He continued doing what he always did; using humor to hide the feelings that were tearing him apart. Years later, he let them take control.

He distanced himself from the rest of the group. He slowly stopped talking to them, one by one. He stopped going to the quarry with them, stopped meeting up with them at the arcade, and even stopped sitting with them at lunch. 

They tried, and boy did they try hard, to understand him. They continued to ask him what was wrong, cornered him in the boys bathroom, and called. Richie stopped answering the phone and ignored the banging on his door. Slowly, they just stopped. Eddie lasted the longest, and maybe that's why Richie loved him so much. To this day, he still gives Richie sad looks in the hallway at school. 

He knew it was wrong, and if we're being honest, he doesn't even fully know why he did it. He was drowning in his own fear, letting depression take over him. Richie Tozier doesn't talk anymore. He still remembers everything that summer. All the annoyed 'beep beep, Richie' that were throw his way, the way Henry Bowers called him a 'fag' in the middle of the arcade, seeing his face on a missing person's flyer. More than anything though, he remembers carving 'R + E' into the kissing bridge.

He stopped bad mouthing to teachers, having a snarky comment for the bully's, and stopped talking to the room that held his passed out parents. The feeling of fear never went away. The way his heart ached when he'd see something that reminds him of his friends or when he hears their voices, laughing and joking in the cafeteria. It wasn't just mental pain anymore, it was as physical as it could get.

Richie Tozier was not okay, and he couldn't take it anymore. So, he's leaving.

-

The first house he stops at is Bill's. He smiles sadly as his beat-up truck stops on the curb. He walked up to the front door, memories flashing through his mind before ringing the door bell.

_"R-r-richie, what the hell!" Bill shouted, almost falling off the porch. Richie's laugh was loud, and even though Bill just got scared half to death, it made him smile._

_"C'mon! It's Halloween, we're going trick-or-treating together, remember?" He was laughing still, the wolf halloween mask dangling from his hand. _

_"Y-y-yes I remember! You d-d-didn't have tu-to do that!" He was full on smiling now, though. Richie, even annoying as hell, had that effect on people. _

_"Well, come on! Eds is waiting for us, then we have to go meet Stan!" Right as the words left his mouth, Georgie ran up to them, almost making Bill fall off the porch again._

_"Can I come?" He asked excitedly, beaming up at them._

_"Well of course you can!" Richie said. He was a softy for kids, and everyone know. "You gotta tell big brother Bill to hurry up, though!"_

_Richie laughed as Georgie started begging, making Bill roll his eyes. _

"Oh, Richie! Hi!" Mrs. Denbrough says, interrupting his thoughts. 

"Hi, um, is Bill home?" He asks, really hoping all of the others aren't together right now. It's eight at night, so they shouldn't be.

"Yes, he's in his room, go on up." 

Richie says a small 'thank you' before walking up the stairs to Bills room. He knocks twice before the door flings open.

"M-mom-" He freezes when he sees who it is.

"Sorry, just me." He says softly, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

Bill narrows his eyes at him, "Y-y-you've got some n-nerve, Tozier." 

"I know Big Bill, I'm sorry. Can we just talk for a minute? Please?" Bill was worried about him. He never stopped. He's been sad, worried, and angry. But now, seeing Richie right in front of him, looking like he's about to cry makes it fade away.

He sighs. "Come in."

He does so, and Bill goes to sit on his bed. He doesn't sit though, he knows he won't be here long. Bill looks up at him expectedly, and he takes a deep breath.

"First, I want to say I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Bill. I know what I was doing, am doing, is shitty. I'm sorry if you hate me. But I just want you to know this before I-" He stopped, his voice cracking. Bill was getting really nervous now. "You were one of my best friends. I know I fucked that up, but you know, I never stopped thinking about all of you. I love you, Bill. I'm so sorry I started getting distant after that summer. But, you're gonna go so far in life, Big Bill. You're amazing."

He was crying now. "I have to go know, got people to see, things to do." He smiled softly at Bill, who's eyes were full of concern. God, I don't deserve that. "I'll see you around."

By the time Bill found the words to say, Richie was gone. He sat on his bed, realizing the he now too was crying. He wanted to run after him, to tell him to stop, to wait. But he didn't move. 

-

Richie stopped at Stan's house next. He wiped his eyes, walking up to the door and knocking. Stan answered this time. He looked shocked to see him, then angry, then once he saw the tears in his eyes, he froze. 

"Richie? What are you doing here?"

"Hiya there, Stan the man. Mind if I talk to you for a minute?" The look Stan was giving him made his heart ache. It made him think of the time he got beat up by Henry and his gang and Stan was the one there to save the day.

_"Richie! Fuck, are you okay?" Stan was frantic. He just wanted to get some ice cream. Instead he found his best friend laying in the middle of a dull ally, holding a bloody nose._

_"Of course, Stan the man. Always okay on this end." He smiled up at him as if he wasn't even phased. _

_"Damn, Richie, what the hell did you say to him to get him so pissed off?" It's funny how Stan automatically knew who it was._

_Richie gasped in fake hurt. "I would never!" _

_Stan rolled his, helping him get up. Richie annoyed the hell out of him sometimes, but he was still his best friend. "Come on, you're coming to my house so I can clean you up."_

_Richie started breaking out in a british accent, saying something that Stan wasn't even paying attention to. He walked home, his best friend around his arm, ice cream completely forgotten. _

Stan stepped outside, closing the door. "What's up?" He wanted to ask so many more questions, but he saw the look on Richie's face and decided this wasn't the time.

"You know, you were always the grown up one of the group. Maybe it was because of your dad, I don't know. But, you were. You were really my best friend. I'm sorry I messed everything up. But it got hard you know? And I'm not even going to try to lie, I was fucking scared. I'm sorry I left you guys, and I'm so sorry I'm doing it again. Before I go, I wanted to let you know something. Stanley, do whatever the fuck you want, okay? Be proud, be a loser, be fucking happy. Leave this fucking town behind, and be happy. Okay?"

Richie was breathing hard, and Stan was speechless. Despite his feelings, he pulled Richie into a quick hug. Richie was crying again, and he held on just as tight. Stan knew Richie was different, he was quieter, he did his work in class, and he stopped making inappropriate jokes. He doesn't know what happened to the old Richie Tozier, but he still loves him nonetheless. 

Richie pulled away first, smiling with tears still running down his face. "I love you, Stan the man."

He walked to his truck the pulled away without a second thought. "I love you too, Rich." He whispered, watching him drive off.

He turned to walk into his house, before he realized one thing Richie just said.

_I'm sorry I left you guys, and I'm so sorry I'm doing it again."_

"God damnit, Richie." He whispered, letting his tears fall. 

-

Next up was none other than Beverly Marsh. There was just something about her. He misses her, he misses skipping class with her to take a smoke break, he misses listening to her go on and on about Bill and Ben. No body really got him like Beverly Marsh did. They had something in common, he supposes, with the neglectful and abusive parents.

He pulled up watching three heads snap up to meet his. Oh shit, he thought. Sitting on the steps was Beverly Marsh, cigarette between her lips, with Ben and Mike on either side. 

_Guess I'm about to kill three birds with one stone_, he thought as he steps out of his truck. Beverly glared at him a bit, Ben and Mike just looking a bit surprised. "What the hell are you doing here, Tozier?" She said, blowing out smoke.

"Lovely too see you too, Bev." He faked a big smile. "I just came to talk to you for a minute. I was going to stop by you guy's house too, but since your here, I'll just get it out of the way."

He didn't give them a chance to speak before he started talking again. "Bev, You're amazing, you know? I'm so fucking sorry for leaving you, and I'm so fucking sorry you had to put up with everyone's shit at school. You didn't deserve that. You're so fucking brave, you know that, Marsh? Please, Bev, as soon as you can, get the hell out of here. I know we haven't talked in so long, and I know that's my own god damn fault, but I love you, Bev."

Beverly started crying, and she wasn't sure why. She cared for Richie, so much. She had been so angry when he stopped talking to them. When she first saw him pull up, she thought thus was going to be some lame ass apology, but she was so wrong. This sounds more like a good-bye.

"Ben, Haystack, I can see you growing into your looks." He joked, making Ben smile a bit. It's been a minute since he's heard that nickname. "You're so fucking kind, you know that? I know a lot of shit has happened to you since you moved here, but I'm so glad you did. I'm glad I got to meet you. Fuck everyone, okay? Fuck what they say about you, you're a good ass person."

Without giving him a chance to respond, he turned to look at Mike. "I'm glad I got to meet you, too. I hope you grow up and get to go to Florida. I hope you create a better life for yourself. All three of you were such an amazing addition to the losers club. I'm glad while I was here, I got to be apart of that for a little while. I love you guys, all of you."

He took a deep breath in, looking at each of them. Beverly was crying, and Mike and Ben looked confused. "You're leaving." Beverly whispers, looking him in the eyes.

Richie smiles sadly at her, before giving her a salute. "I'll see you guys, sometime."

With that he turned, ignoring Beverly calling for him. He got in his truck, allowing himself to cry freely as he drove off. He had one more stop, and then that was it. This one was going to be the toughest one to leave behind. 

-

Eddie Kaspbrak was laying on his bed, trying to get some homework done. He was debating on calling Bill and asking to come over, but he decided against it. He didn't want to have that argument with his mother.

The sound of knocking on his window made him jump, and he grabbed a shoe on the ground for a weapon. His face turned from scared to anger when he see's Richie sitting on the opposite of his window. 

"What the fuck, Richie?" He shouted as loud as he could without waking his mom up.

"I'll explain, Eddie, I promise. Just let me in before I fall please." Eddie sighed, motioning for him to come inside. 

He jumped into his room, holding his breath before he turned to face Eddie. He was expecting him to yell at him, or just completely give him the silent treatment. What he did not expect, however, was to be punched in the face.

"OW! Eddie! Shit, that hurt. Fuck, did you get stronger?" Richie held his face, Eddie just glaring at him.

"We don't talk for a fucking year. A fucking year, Richie!" Eddie was fuming. "And then you just climb into my window as if nothing happend! Well, I have news for you Tozier-" Eddie was rambling, only to be cut off when a pair of chapped lips touched his.

Eddie tensed, but Richie was holding on to him like he would disappear, tears running down his face. Eddie's eyes were wide open, but after a second, he closed his eyes and kissed back with everything he had. Richie's hands moved to his waist, Eddie's hands moving up until they were tangle in the hair right about his neck. 

It wasn't a perfect kiss, but it was one full of love and passion. Time froze for them and it was like they were the only two people in the world. But not too long after, Richie broke the kiss.

"Rich.." Eddie started, only to be cut off.

"I fucking love you, Eddie Kaspbrak. You're so fucking perfect to me. You're soft eyes, and cut freckles. Fuck, I've loved you for so long, Eds." Richie says, voice cracking. 

Eddie ignored the instinct to say 'don't call me that', looking up at him. "You're an idiot, Tozier. I love you, too."

Richie pulled away from him, sitting on the bed and putting his head in his hands. Eddie stayed where he was. Something bad was coming, he could feel it. 

"I'm so fucking sorry, Eddie. I'm so sorry I stopped talking to you. I was so scared, I couldn't handle all the feelings." He was sobbing now. "I needed to come see you one last time. I needed to let you know before I was gone. You mean everything to me. You always gave me butterflies when I saw you, and you're laugh is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. You were my best friend, Eds. They all were. But, none of them could compare to you."

Eddie stared at the sobbing boy in front of him. Richie Tozier was confessing his feelings for him. Richie Tozier was telling him that after all this time, he had feelings for him too. He couldn't believe it. He wanted to kiss him again, but he held himself back and let his own tears fall. 

"Richie, what do you mean 'before I was gone'? Are you leaving? You can't leave." Eddie cried. "No, I just got you to talk to me again. You can't leave me, Richie."

Richie pulled him into a tight hug, and they cried. They cried and held each other for what felt like hours. They held on, despret to make up for what they'd lost over the years. Eddie didn't understand. He doesn't want Richie to leave, he wants him to come back. He missed the old Richie, the one who would talk in crazy accents and make too many bad jokes about his mom.

"I have to go, Eds. I'm killing myself here. I can't do it anymore." Richie broke apart, walking towards the window.

He pulled Eddie into a kiss, a quick one that was over too soon. Tears soaked Eddie's shirt, but he didn't care.

"Promise me one day, I'll see you again." Eddie whispered. "Promise you wont forget me."

"I could never forget you, Eds." Richie hugged him one last time. He started out the window, turning to look at the crying boy he was leaving behind. His best friend, his first love. 

"I love you more than you will ever know, Eddie Kaspbrak."

Then, he was gone,

Eddie doesn't know how long he stared at the window, silently begging for him to come back, for him to stay. That night he made a promise to himself. One day, he will find Richie Tozier again.

-

Richie broke his promise the next morning, the farther he got away from Derry, the faster his memory faded. Soon, he lost all memories he had with the best friends that called themselves the losers club. He lost all memories he had of the boy he was in love with since he was eleven years old. 

The scar on his hand was all he had left. 


End file.
